Tools From Crucial Conversations Helping My Everyday Life

I want to start by saying that Crucial Conversations is the first non-fiction book that I have read and enjoyed reading. I thought that it was helpful and interesting. It had funny anecdotes that made it seem less of a lecture and more relatable. I learned some really neat things from reading that book and I try to use these things because I want to take advantage of all the great benefits that come from adhering to the tools that it teaches. The tips and tools that I have taken away from the book that I use the most are: Learning to Look, Make it Safe, and the steps from STATEing Your Path.

With Learning to Look, I have to really work on because I have a hard time sometimes on picking up on visual ques that people put out. I have been working on making sure that I am catching on to those signs from people that show that they are having a hard time with the conversation, like they are getting uncomfortable or they are avoiding talking about some issue, or if they are becoming more assertive and trying to control where the conversation is going or make their view more heard.

If I catch onto the fact that the conversation is falling out by watching for the signs above then I can use the Make it Safe tool to try and bring the conversation back to a comfortable middle ground where we can make progress. I have used this tool when having "talks" with Christine, my girlfriend, to make sure that I am fixing any misunderstandings between us so that our "talks" are beneficial for the both of us and our relationship. I also use this tool to help me know when it is appropriate to apologize (something I know I have a tough time with).

If Christine and I have different opinions about an issue and I have seen that we may be falling out of the "safe zone" and I am attempting to fix any misunderstandings or to make sure what I am saying is not misunderstood then I STATE my path. I will share how things are from my end of things and why that leads me to have my different opinion, ask for what it is like on her end so that I can compare our two opinions together and ask questions or make comments (being sensitive of course) to try to understand her better or try to help her acknowledge something from my side, and then seeing if I am still correct with my opinion and if I need to make adjustments with my own thinking.

I think that these three tools are most effective in my life and have served me well so far. I am lucky that I haven't had a deeply concerning crucial conversation but I have been able to use it to help nurture my relationships with others instead of being at odds for longs periods of time.