Diagnosing a Failed Conversation...

Oh boy did I almost mess up big time.

My girlfriend and I have almost been together for a year now and the topic of marriage came up recently. Being me, I have never even entertained the notion of being married in general and here comes my girlfriend, Christine, asking what I thought about marriage and if that is something that I felt her and I could ever do.

Panic, pure and uncontrolled gripped my body like a child grips the toy that they refuse to share. So, like a dummy, I told her that I have never thought of getting married to her. What I meant was that I have never thought of the notion of marrying anybody in general. It hasn't been something that I have put any thought into. How it came across to her was entirely different, so she thought that I was trying to tell her that I couldn't imagine getting married to her. Naturally she was upset and started questioning me on whether I really wanted to be with her, if I was with her just to be with someone until I found the right person, and other scary things.

I ended up slowing things down and calming her so that I could explain myself. It turned out alright in the end and there were no ramifications from that situation but things could have definitely gone bad for our relationship if I hadn't handled it. I figure that what I did wrong was to let emotions of panic take over and then try to answer Christine's question with a numb answer. I wasn't able to give a thought out answer that would not be taken the wrong way. If I had just taken a moment to gather myself so that I could understand how she was feeling about the situation and to understand how she might react to a insensitive response I could have avoided the miscommunication and kept the conversation safe.

To avoid things like this in the future I will have to understand that conversations like that are just as scary for Christine, if not more because she may be the one initiating the conversation. If I can take a moment to understand her feelings and understand where she is coming from then it will be easier for me to respond to her in a way that is adding to the conversation instead of making her feel bad about what I say.